Tuesday, April 7, 2009

If I Only Had a Brain

My mind has been quite dull for the past few days. It's like there's a fog in my head, and I can't think properly. I don't have any drive to study and work on papers so this has been difficult with regard to my academics. I don't even have the will power to go to class. Worst of all is that my speech has become lax. I think grammar is extremely important in communication, and syntax and structure have become almost a chore to think about. I don't want to think about tense or agreement; I might as well not talk.

This needs to end. If I can't think clearly, I am a shell of who I should be. I need my mental faculties to be sharp to feel alive and do what I need to do. I feel like a ghost who is neither fully present in this world but not yet passed to the next. Life is spinning around me, but I am stagnant, stuck in stasis. This is a state of affairs that feels worse than nonexistence because I feel powerless to move.

The conundrum is that I need to pull myself out of this but don't have the drive to do anything.